


Bring out the Light (Inside of Me)

by caerynlae



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Flashbacks, POV Laurel, POV Thea, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, early season 2, late Season 1, reconnecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-07-29 00:10:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16252619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caerynlae/pseuds/caerynlae
Summary: Laurel and Thea stumble across Oliver who is with an unknown woman. She seems very comfortable in his presence and he sounds more light-hearted than they have heard him since his return. Who is the woman? And, in a surprising turn, can that women help them understand who Oliver is now, after the island?Set early season 2, might diverge from there. (Thea and Laurel haven't met Felicity yet/have forgotten the meeting.)





	1. Chapter 1

Laurel and Thea are talking amiably while walking to the club’s office. They pause when they suddenly hear voices from inside.

“Oliver! Give me my tablet back!” It was clearly a woman’s voice, sounding annoyed.

“Noo, we worked all night, it’s time for some fun now!” That was clearly Oliver, but neither Laurel nor Thea can remember the last time they heard Oliver so light-hearted. They glance at each other in surprise.

“It’s totally unfair of you to use your tall, well-muscled Adonis body against me!” The woman’s voice sounds out of breath now. What were they doing in there?

“..Adonis..have you been checking me out again?” Oliver sounds amused, another rarity ever since he came back from that god-forsaken island. Laurel and Thea slowly creep towards the open door.

“Hello? Have you looked in a mirror? It’s hard not to when you constantly work out in front of me shirtless...shirtless all the time..” Who was this girl? Laurel and Thea look at each other in confusion. Thea knows that ever since Oliver came back, he never walks around shirtless anymore. She hasn’t seen him shirtless since that one time where she walked into his room as he was getting changed. After that incident, Oliver always made sure to close and sometimes even lock his room door. So who was this girl in front of whom Oliver seems to be comfortable enough to walk around shirtless? 

Curious about what is going on, Thea drags Laurel along by grabbing her hand and they finally enter the office. They can’t help but stare at the sight that greets them: Oliver has his left arm lifted high up in the air, holding the aforementioned tablet. The other woman is a tiny blonde who is significantly smaller than Oliver, but that doesn’t stop her from trying to jump up to reach the tablet, while holding on to Oliver for stability with her left hand on his right hip.

As Laurel surveys the scene, she sees that Oliver’s t-shirt has ridden up and suddenly her eyes zero in on a scar that stands out there. His trousers are low on his hips and in the resulting gap to the t-shirt, she can clearly make out three large distinct marks, forming a semi-circle.

In that moment, Oliver realises that they have company and he hastily lowers his arm and takes a step back. “Hi..”, he offers hesitantly. The woman stumbles and nearly loses her balance but Oliver steadies her with surprising ease, as if he had done something similar a thousand times.

Laurel barely registers any of it, she wants to know more about that scar now. She thought Oliver had shown her all of them that night in his room. 

Determinedly she walks over. “Oliver! That scar..what..”, she trails off. Oliver looks down at her, there is no traces of light-heartedness or amusement left in his face anymore. His expression is closed-off and he looks at her guardedly. Laurel tries to lift up his t-shirt but Oliver moves out of her reach quickly, intentionally or not, stepping closer to the other woman in the room again.

The other woman looks at Laurel. “Which one do you mean? The shark bite?”

Thea gasps loudly, “Shark bite?”

“Oops, I guess I should’ve kept that one to myself. Sorry, Oliver.” She looks up at him contritely. Oliver levels an exasperated look at her but doesn’t comment any further. Laurel uses that moment of distraction to step closer to Oliver again and yanks up the t-shirt before Oliver can stop her.

“Oh my god, it really looks like teeth marks. How did you survive this?”

“I nearly didn’t.” Oliver takes a step backwards, so that the t-shirt falls back down.

“Are you really telling us that you got bitten by a shark?” Thea’s voice is several pitches higher than normal.

Oliver sighs and runs his hand through his hair. His eyes have taken on a stormy quality, making his inner turmoil visible to those present, if they look closely enough. Without a moment’s hesitation, the other woman rests her left hand comfortingly on Oliver’s right arm. Thea expects Oliver to immediately pull away because Oliver isn’t comfortable with touch since his return. She is shocked when Oliver seems to lean into her touch instead. Who exactly is this woman?

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

That is so typical of him, Thea thinks. He never wants to talk about it. It makes her so angry, she is his sister, why doesn’t he let her in?

“You never want to talk to me about anything. But clearly, you told this woman. Why is it so abhorrent to you to talk to your sister?” Thea angrily takes a step forward and glares at her brother.

“You said that there were people there who tortured you, you never mentioned anything about shark bites!” Laurel comments and she can’t keep the anger out of her voice.

“Woah, calm down everyone, Oliver is allowed to open up at his own speed and share only what he is comfortable with!” The woman immediately jumps to Oliver’s defense.

“Who are you anyway?” Laurel rudely interjects.

The woman looks startled for a moment, before she replies, “I’m Felicity..Smoak..I work IT for Oliver.”

“IT?”, Laurel sounds incredulous, “if Oliver talks to you about the island and, apparently, walks around shirtless in front of you, you gotta be a lot more than his IT help. Or do you sleep with all your clients?”

Felicity gasps at that, but it’s nothing in comparison to Oliver’s reaction. He stands up straight and takes a menacing step towards his ex-girlfriend. “You don’t get to talk to her like that”, he growls. “Felicity is a friend, a great friend, who has been helping me get used to the technological changes of the last five years. Since then, she has always been there for me when I needed her.” He glares at Laurel who unconsciously takes a step backward.

Oliver hasn’t been very talkative since he came back and this is the most vocal and emotional Thea has heard him since. Both Laurel and Thea are taken aback with how aggressive and even dangerous Oliver seems all of a sudden. He is so unlike the boy they used to know and Laurel can’t help but feel a shiver of fear racing down her back.

That woman, Felicity, doesn’t seem bothered however. With sure strides, she moves in front of Oliver, now resting both her hands on his forearms and intently says, “Oliver”. Instantly the tension drains out of him and he looks down at Felicity with a softness in his eyes that again surprises both Laurel and Thea. How can someone’s emotions change so rapidly?

With a sigh, Oliver tugs Felicity towards one of the sofas in the room. They both sit down and Oliver gestures for the other two women to sit on the opposing sofa. 

Oliver’s fingers are absentmindedly trailing invisible lines over Felicity’s arm. Thea is sure that he isn’t even aware of doing that. “If we are having this discussion, I need food.” Oliver tiredly rubs his eyes and glances at Laurel and Thea warily. 

While Laurel and Thea are still confused by the topic change, Felicity doesn’t miss a beat and cheerily answers, “do you want your usual from Triple-B?” Oliver just hums in response while Felicity is already typing away on her tablet.

“Triple-B? What’s that?” Laurel skeptically asks.

“Oh my god, you don’t know Triple-B? Oliver, how can you not introduce your friends to Triple-B?!” Felicity sounds scandalised and slaps Oliver’s bicep. Thea thought she’s seen it all by now but she is again shocked when Oliver’s only reaction to that is to chuckle and flick at Felicity’s nose. Who was this Oliver and where had her broody, stoic brother gone? 

For the first time, she could see the Ollie in him that left all those years ago when he boarded the Queen’s Gambit. She looks at Laurel and by the shine in her eyes, Thea is sure she is thinking the same. Looks like her brother finally found someone he can let in. Happily, she settles back and looks forward to continue watching the interaction between Oliver and the woman that seems to bring Oliver's light-heartedness back to the surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funny fact: It seems the shark bite actually changed locations some time between season 1 and season 3. Compare [this](https://ih0.redbubble.net/image.267066595.0405/flat,550x550,075,f.u1.jpg) picture versus [this](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/b1/7b/da/b17bdaf8e791f78b3cf0ca0cd8955b9c.jpg) one. When I wrote the story, I had the latter, season 3, picture in mind.
> 
> I leave it up to you whether Oliver actually told Felicity about the shark bite or if she just figured it out herself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After agreeing to talk to Thea and Laurel about the island, Oliver tries to open up to them with Felicity's help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Oliver gets stuck in flashbacks, but don’t worry, Felicity is there to help :)
> 
> Spoilers for all flashbacks (up to and including Season 5).

By some unspoken agreement, they all agreed to fill the wait for their Triple-B order with small talk. About 20 minutes later, Oliver suddenly gets up and moves towards the door.

Thea, who was in the middle of a sentence, trails of and shouts, “Hey, Oliver!” But he is already gone. Laurel and Thea frown at each other in puzzlement and Laurel ventures, “Did he seriously just leave?”

At this comment, Felicity raises her eyes from her tablet and looks at the other two women. “Oh, don’t worry, he just got a text from one of the bouncers that the food arrived. He should be back in a minute.”

“A text? But he never even looked at his phone.” Thea questions skeptically. To be honest, she has been expecting Oliver to bail as soon as he announced that he wants to have any kind of discussion about the island.

Felicity looks startled for a moment, then replies, “Ah, I programmed Oliver’s phone so that he doesn’t have to look at it to know who is calling by giving different contacts different vibration patterns..and by vibration patterns I mean completely innocent phone vibrations..not any other kind of vibrations..”

Thea and Laurel look at Felicity incredulously and Felicity feels her face going red. But before anyone can reply, Oliver thankfully returns with several bags of food. He notices Felicity’s flushed face and can only guess that one of her babbles got the better of her again. So he walks over and gives her hand a reassuring squeeze and quickly smiles at her. 

Thea realises that tonight’s string of surprises might be far from over. Oliver does not just accept Felicity’s touch, he even initiates it with her. Are they a couple?

Felicity smiles back at Oliver gratefully and together they make quick work to distribute the food and everyone starts to tuck in.

Towards the end of the meal, Thea prompts, “So…”

Oliver is done with his burger already, having eaten it quickly and efficiently. At Thea’s prompt, Oliver tenses and begins to nervously rub his right hand’s fingers against each other, while glancing warily between Thea and Laurel. 

Picking up on his discomfort, Felicity immediately stops eating and gently tucks at Oliver’s restless hand until it’s firmly held between her own two. He glances at Felicity, who gives him an encouraging smile and a nod.

Sighing heavily, he keeps his look firmly attached to the Triple-B logo of his discarded food box. Finally he says, “I’m not sure where to start or what to say.”

“Hm, how about we start with something easy, like there were no coconuts on the island because it is too far North,” Felicity suggests calmy.

Oliver looks at her, completely at a loss. Was there ever something easy? Suddenly memories rush in, drowning out everything else.

_Wintergreen and his sword._

His breath hitches as his left hand comes to rest on the place where the scar is under his t-shirt. He knows exactly where it begins and ends, can feel it gently pulsing if he focuses slightly.

_Slade with an arrow through his eye._

His breathing comes quick now. He betrayed his brother-in-arms, the one person who was instrumental to shape him from a useless frat boy into a warrior.

_Akio dead and everything that happened right after._

He rests his elbows on his legs and stares at his hands. He no longer sees scarred palms, slightly greasy from the burger he ate. Instead, they are covered in blood that is slowly dripping to the floor.

_Killing Taiana._

She begged him to, but that doesn’t make it any better. He should’ve found another way. What kind of person just snaps the neck of their friend?

_The brutality required to join Bratva._

There are spots of white dancing in front of his eyes now. He squeezes them shut tightly, so he doesn’t have to look at his hands any longer, hands that have caused so much death and destruction.

But suddenly there is a pressure on his hands. Reluctantly he opens his eyes again, but he can’t focus them. He tries to get his breathing under control, but has trouble to do so, until he can make out Felicity’s calming voice, reassuring him.

Slowly, his racing heart calms down and his surroundings come into focus. He can see Felicity kneeling in front of him. She looks at him with such steady and kind eyes, it helps him to finally reconnect to the present.

Felicity notices the shift and smiles up at him. “Better?”, she softly queries.

Oliver realises that this is the first time he got stuck in flashbacks around Thea and Laurel and immediately feels the heat rise in his cheeks. But he keeps his eyes firmly fixed to Felicity. He nods at her, not quite able to form words yet.

Felicity settles next to him again on the sofa, keeping both of her hands firmly attached to one of his.

She looks at Thea and Laurel, trying to gauge their reactions. Thea looks lost, clearly unsure of what exactly just happened. Laurel looks apologetic, more familiar with what just occurred, having probably seen similar situations before in her line of work as a lawyer.

“Are you okay, Ollie?”, Laurel softly asks.

Oliver finally lifts his head to look at his sister and friend. He is surprised that there is no pity or annoyance in their expressions. Just concern.

He clears his throat, feeling Felicity squeeze his hand in silent support.

“I..yes, I’m alright now.” He trails of, unsure of how to continue.

“What just happened?”, Thea is trying to understand. Seeing her brother struggling like that really worried her. He usually seems to strong and untouchable.

Thea looks at Oliver, but Felicity knows him well enough that he won’t be able answer that, so she helps him out.

“I assume Oliver was searching his memories for something to share. Instead, he got stuck in bad memories, flashbacks. In that moment, he can’t tell that they aren’t real.”

“What’s the best way to help him when that happens?” Thea wants to make sure that she knows what to do if that ever happens again and Felicity isn’t around.

“Stay calm and remind him in a clear voice that he is in Starling and not on the island,” Felicity immediately offers up what she has learnt to work best. “Try to get him to breathe with you.”

With Thea and Felicity talking, the attention is off Oliver, which allows him to calm down further and relax again. Felicity always has a knack for getting through to him, be it during a flashback or when his mind is set to the wrong choice during their Arrow work. Maybe she can help him reconnect with Thea and Laurel, by saying what’s needed, saying the words he can’t seem to be able to form.

”You can try to touch him, but watch his reaction closely to see if he wants that right now or not”, Felicity continues to explain to a curious Thea and an attentive Laurel. “If he is stuck in a flashback where he is getting hurt, he doesn’t like the touch because it makes him think you are out to hurt him.”

Hearing her talk so openly about her observations, makes Oliver realise she knows him even better than he thought. He is surprised he doesn’t find it uncomfortable being talked about in such intimate detail. Instead he feels relieved that there is someone to explain what he can’t put into words himself.

He wants to honor that and he wants to show Thea and Laurel that he does want to open up to them.

“The first memory was like that. I remembered the first time I was tortured.”

“Tortured? The first time”, Thea looks like she might be sick. “I heard what Laurel said earlier, but I thought she meant it metaphorically.”

Oliver presses his lips in a tight line. That look on Thea’s face right now, that was exactly the reason why he never talked about what happened to him.

“Hey, it’s okay. She can handle it, she needs to know that you trust her with important information.” Felicity is talking to him quietly, while Thea and Laurel curiously watch them.

“Please, Oliver, she is right, ever since I learnt about that..”, Laurel trails off, which is uncharacteristic for her.

Oliver lifts his head and looks her in the eyes, seeing the pain in her eyes. It startles him. With how things had been lately, he didn’t realise Laurel still felt this level of empathy towards him.

“The island wasn’t deserted and the people there thought I had vital information. They tried to torture it out of me. But truthfully, it’s not the torture I’m bothered by.” He takes a deep breath, unsure if he can continue.

“What? How can that not bother you?”, Thea looks at him incredulously.

“It hurt. A lot. I won’t lie about that. But these people are gone now, so no, while a painful memory, it doesn’t affect me much anymore.” Oliver takes a deep breath, drawing strength from Felicity, who sits calmly beside him, supporting him.

So he continues hesitantly. “What affects me, is who I’ve become as a result. Of what I had to do to survive.”

Felicity squeezes his hand again and quietly murmurs, “They’ll understand, I did.”

He looks at the two women across from him. Hoping against hope that the next sentence won’t shatter the fragile relationship he has with them since returning. He is afraid if he lets them know about the darkness inside of him, that they’ll turn away, horrified to have such a brother or friend.

But he reminds himself of the goodness and light that Felicity projects. If someone like her can understand, maybe they can too?

He takes a deep, fortifying breath. It’s now or never. If he clams up now, he is sure he will irrevocably damage his relationship with either woman.

When he is finally able to speak, his voice breaks, but he manages to complete the sentence.

“I had to kill to survive.”

It’s out now. Oliver quickly looks at Felicity, not being able to bear watching Thea’s and Laurel’s faces change to horror.

Felicity looks at him calmly and rests her palm against his cheek.

“Hey, it’s okay, you did what you had to.”

Oliver’s eyes bore into hers. How can she still be so compassionate towards him?

His breathe hitches and he feels like he might slide away from reality again, when Laurel suddenly speaks up, completely surprising him.

“There was no law on that island, Ollie. I would never think less of you just because you did what you had to do to survive.”

Laurel has always been so righteous. Her chosen action as a lawyer coming as no surprise to him. And she still understands and accepts? He draws comfort from her statement, startled about how calm he suddenly feels, how important this acceptance is to him.

Hesitantly he faces Laurel and then Thea. All he can see in their expression is compassion and understanding. Finally understanding a piece of him that he kept hidden from them for so long.

Thea’s voice is confident and sure, when she echos Laurel’s sentiment.

“Laurel’s right, if that’s what you had to do to come back home to us, then that is alright with me.”

His baby sister. She shouldn’t have to think about her brother being a killer at just eighteen years of age.

“I wanted to keep that part of me hidden from you. I don’t want this darkness to touch you,” Oliver quietly admits, surprising himself with his candor.

“Oh, Ollie, there is darkness in all of us. I know you think of me as your _baby_ sister, but I’ve seen enough of this world to know darkness. And it won’t break me. I am here for you, no matter how dark it gets.”

Thea stands up shyly, a stark contrast to her usual demeanour. She takes a step closer to her brother.

“Thanks for opening up. It means a lot. When you came home, all I wanted was to be there for you, but you just wouldn’t let anyone in.”

“C’mere.” Oliver reaches out and tugs at her hand to close the gap between them. With that encouragement, Thea’s hesitancy disappears and she quickly hugs her brother.

“This is the first time we hug since the day you first came home. After that, I was never sure if you’d welcome it,” Thea mumbles quietly.

Oliver lets out a deep sigh, he really messed up when he first came home. But back then he had been incapable of understanding that. 

It took Felicity to finally help him see people for people again. To finally be able to let others in and to re-learn how to live rather than just survive. To understand that while he might be damaged, that it’s alright. Despite everything that happened, he isn’t broken and he is in a place now where he can enjoy life again.

He refocuses back on the present, enjoying the feeling of still being able to hold Thea despite what he revealed.

“I’m sorry I made it seem that way, Speedy, I always welcome your hugs.”

Over Thea’s shoulder, Oliver can see Laurel smiling softly at them and Felicity is outright beaming.

Knowing it’s time to lighten the mood, Felicity pipes up. “There is ice cream in the freezer, who is ready for some dessert?”

Everyone agrees and Felicity quickly grabs the necessary utensils and the ice cream. Needing something to do, Oliver busies himself with serving everyone.

Recognising what Felicity is doing, Laurel tries to help her along. But first, she feels she has to apologize. In retrospect, she feels ashamed of how she treated Felicity earlier. Clearly there is a strong connection between her and Oliver.

“Felicity, I’m sorry for what I said earlier. That was rude and uncalled for.”

Felicity looks at her in surprise, but quickly nods her head. “Okay, apology accepted.”

“Just like that?” Laurel questions hesitantly, astonished at the easy agreement.

“Yes, just like that.”

_Sunny Felicity, always believing the best of people_ , Oliver muses fondly. 

The women smile at each other tentatively. Trying to move on, Laurel glances back and forth between Felicity and Oliver. “So, tell us, how did you two meet exactly?”

Felicity enthusiastically launches into the story, sticking with the spilt latte excuse for their audience. Soon after, Thea starts a story of when Oliver clumsily spilled flour all over Raisa’s kitchen floor and from then on, the conversation flows easily, continuously interrupted by laughter.

Oliver leans back and watches, rarely contributing to the conversation, but no one seems to mind. He didn’t think that the evening would turn out so positively, back when Thea and Laurel first walked into the room. But now, the most important people in his life are happily connecting over shared stories about him. And while some of them are a bit embarrassing, he really doesn’t mind.

On top of everything, he was finally able to share the most crucial of his worries about his time away with two people he missed so much over the years. Finally able to reconnect with them in a way he hadn’t been capable of before. But with Felicity by his side, he is quickly learning, anything is possible.

He wraps an arm around her shoulder and pulls her closer to him. Startled, Felicity pauses mid-sentence and looks at him. But he just grins back at her.

Thea smiles happily at their interaction. If they aren’t a couple yet, they will be soon.

The evening definitely brought a lot of surprises, Thea muses. Even though the subject was heavy and she will have to spend some time reconciling what she has learnt about Oliver, she will never think of him any less and, if anything, her love for him grew. Overall she couldn't be happier, knowing now that Oliver still wants her to be a part of his life.


End file.
